I didn't ever think my break from art would take almost a year. I mean, I have been sketching here and there but that's pretty much it. I have absolutely zero completed artworks this year.
Been way too busy with work. I work a shit job; graveyard shifts at a fuckin warehouse, fulltime with shit pay just to make a living. Lots of labour and bullshit. Guess I became one of those stereotypical stoner losers who work at warehouses. Eventually, I let the stress from life get to me and I got into drugs. Nothing serious, just pot. But it got way outta control. It was just a joint a day at first but soon, I was high 24/7. I was high at home, I was high at work, and I was high at school and almost dropped out for the 6th time. I really took advantage of the fact I couldn't overdose. I go to an alternate education program for adults so this was pretty much the last chance I had to graduate highschool and I almost fucked that up.
We went to this educational trip thing at a rehab centre. I thought I would go too, to teach myself a lesson on what would happen if I kept on letting this drug habit progress. Unfortunately, it didn't do shit for me and I got caught trying to do drugs at the rehab centre and got suspended on the first two weeks of school. I almost ruined all those people's lives. I was too drugged up to even feel the shame. When I was at work, I didn't want to walk five minutes just to get outside for a smoke so I would secretly be smokin weed in the bathrooms risking the smoke detectors. Yeah, I was an idiot. Just a stupid stoner who doesn't deserve to live, according to the world. I was angry, angry at everything, angry at life, angry at the world. It got to the point where my highs were not even enjoyable anymore. I felt even more depressed when I was high but I just couldn't stop.
I live at a small condo with my man. The crap thing about condos and apartments of course, is that you have no privacy from neighbors that live there too. I got caught smoking pot on our doorstep just two times and those anal ass bastard ladies reported my ass and strata tried to call the fucking cops on me. I get the concern. Sure, you guys are anti-weed but the police ain't gonna waste their fuckin time to stop something that is happening pretty much everywhere in this shitty ass red-neck city. Jeez. I resorted to smokin in my car which also broke down so now I will be even more broke. I wasted so much money on weed, it's like I was working just to get high. But yes, it was a shitty year for me. I finally got sick of everyone looking down on me and I got sick of myself for getting outta control like this, so I recently decided to go cold turkey. My middleman/dealer was a bitch anyway. He was my 2nd one and I have no more energy to look for a new one. I enjoy being with my man more when I am sober anyway.
I actually tried to go double cold turkey (nicotine vaping) but of course, nothing is ever easy with nicotine. I will quit for my boyfriend because he wants me to but I definitely don't have high hopes for cold turkey on this one but I will still give it a try for the 3rd time. I believe that only naive people think that vaping is harmless. That's what the media wants you to think, how else are they gonna make money? It's always about the fucking money. They also want people to think that weed is not addicting which isn't true because anything can be addicting as long as you have an addictive personality. I've been clean for a few days now. I'm writing this because I can't sleep. I am currently dealing with withdrawal (yes, you can get withdrawal from weed). Been sweating more than usual, can't sleep, can't eat, lost lots of weight and have been feeling like crap. The first two days were the worst; I have never felt so suicidal, cranky and depressed in my life. Fortunately, I know that quitting pot is a piece of cake compared to some of the other hardcore dope out there so I'm thankful I never got into that. I'm slowly regaining my life back. I changed my attitude because I am tired of giving a fuck. People were right, giving less of a fuck about everything has made the emotional part of my life way easier. I no longer blush or get embarrassed at stupid things like tripping and falling on my ass and now know how to stand up for myself.
I got rid of my long ass hair, I hastily just cut it all off up to my shoulders 10 minutes before work one day. Cheesy rebellion is what probably made me do it. I did a pretty shitty job, looks uneven and stuff but who cares right? I have plans to come back on deviantart. But only to draw porn/hentai in hopes to make some extra cash out of it. I am a hypocrite because I used to get pissed off at the amount of porn around here but my morals have changed greatly after all of these events and I really can't bring myself to care. Sad I know, but I just don't like art anymore. My passion for art is nada. I plan to use what skills I have left to do that. I'm not saying I'll ever draw my usual stuff again but this is the truth.
Thanks for reading and thx to all my remaining active followers for your support.